The pathology of dancing

[Courtesy of one of my friends]
It is amazing how there seem to be microvesicular and macrovesicular groups of people on the dance floor. Depending on the song and the group of people, the groups seem to change with little or no predictability. It really would be cool to work of the maths of it.

Had a great 21st last night and a great start to the orienteering season today. It's awesome to be racing again and it was great to run on a new map. Hopefully this week will yield a few more interesting conversations to comment about...

For now I will leave you with this... Why do toilet doors always seem to open inwards. Doesn't it make sense that it should open outwards so that you don't have you use your [hopefully] clean hands?

And this...

Every time I almost die I feel so alive. Why would I ever want to be more careful?

A moment of silence for PCMS

And thus ends the first 7 weeks of third year. I must say, there was very little that could actually pass as exciting. The test wasn't too bad either. I do, however, feel cheated when they make me study so much pharmacology and end up asking almost nothing on all of it.

The second block starts on monday and the timetable looks rather interesting, beginning with the "new" Medical Zulu. Yay! *insert sarcasm here* I don't really think that it is a bad thing, I just think that it is a little condescending to assume that because someone is black they speak Zulu. Perhaps that is just me. I suppose that falls under my issue with being condescending to the population at large and the specific instruction in our student manuals to not use medical terminology around patients. Not sure whether to mention it though, don't want to come across as "that person". Several lectures by Duse should spice things up though.

Ultimate frisbee this evening was awesome. A nice break from university and lectures, pretty much a highlight of the week :).

The power of self denial

I find it extremely interesting that people are able to convince themselves of things, even though the truth is blatantly staring them in the face. Although most of you think that this may be a creationism jibe, it isn't. Society has certain points of view when it comes to certain issues, for example, when you date two people at the same time it is usually considered cheating, but not to some people. Perhaps it is a need for a person to lie to themselves just so that they can make it through the day. I suppose that I can live with that as long as I don't have to lie as much as you do.

Another thing, I'm not sure where it says that you need to be friends with your ex-girlfriend. Yes, in some cases it is accepted, especially when the breakup isn't on bad terms. But when your ex-girlfriend proceeds to date your friends (notice the plural) I don't think that it is condoned, let alone accepted. Please stop bothering me about being your friend, you had your chance before you screwed me around for almost 3 years. And please stop using the excuse that you were just trying to make everyone happy, you didn't. Just because you felt that you weren't making anyone unhappy doesn't mean that you weren't.

But you didn't have to delete me.... But ok. Like i know you don't want to really have much to do with me, but still. [To some people it is their lifelong dream to remain as one of my contacts on mxit]

It isn't really. I just don't like bad feelings ever. [You considered that before you screwed me around for 3 years?]

That's ok. Things can work how you want them. I just never expected that from you of all ppl. But it's ok. Whatever makes you happy :) [Apparently the smiley changes the tone of the sentence]

I did speak to you, well tried. And well it's ok. It just seems really low that's all. But i respect you decision. [You spoke to me and told me that you wanted to date another one of my friends, telling me doesn't make it alright.]

And i do hope one day you might want to look past everything, cause it would be nice. [I decided when I came to university that I only had time for friends that I enjoyed being around. I am still civil around you, I just don't ever want to be your friend.]

Powerbalance bands and the logic of pathology

I always laugh when I see someone with a Powerbalance band and I think that is mainly something to do with the fact that society seems to believe in the power of the placebo effect. It's the belief that things "happen for a reason" or the ever popular correlation = causation. I don't believe in miracles or coincidence. It is difficult to put your belief into something that you have no power over. People often wait for things to happen and say that it was fate. I tend to believe that it was someone else who was sick and tired of waiting. Perhaps it is time for people to start breathing (stop using oxygen infused water and oxygen tablets) and actually do something about whatever it is they are waiting for.

I have begun to realise something when it comes to medicine as a whole. We are finally finished with anatomy and suddenly things have begun to make sense. It's not about parrot learning anymore, the learning has a bit more meaning. Things begin to fit together and have a logical progression. Finally! I am kind of looking forward to the test :).

I'm feeling a little lonely again. I'm still searching for someone to talk to. Hopefully I will find them in the darkness...

"I am lucky. I did not choose this life. It chose me. It's strange like that; not picking my path, but rather easing into the water and letting it carry me where it will. Yes, there will be nights where I feel like my destiny is at my fingertips and there will be nights I wish the lights were off and I could just make these sounds in the dark. Still, I will always be there, wherever there might be, staring into blackness hoping the blackness stares back at me."

First things first and just walking

Monday turned out to be quite an awesome day, although I didn't get much sleep before lectures today (probably 4 hours). It started off with being stood up by the health minister. I thought that it was rather remarkable that he was in fact willing to talk to us, but I think that the press kept him occupied which left us having to leave to go to lectures. The campaign that he was launching is a great initiative to try and curb HIV infection rates in the country. By proactively offering testing all around the country it promotes social responsibility to in fact be tested for HIV.

After university I had to help out at the street party. It was a lot of work and I really hope that we will make some money out of it. Saw Wezley and Bernard playing rugby which was awesome (even more awesome was the fact that they beat a lot of the people that I know from high school). We only finished at around 1 am and I still had to drive home (an interesting task when you are really tired). The rugby club really needs to work on the basics to make things work, because a lot of things were just illogical.

Someone brought up something yesterday that was interesting. She asked whether I chose to be single. I do think that it can be a choice...but not so much in my case. I suppose that we often put it down to waiting for the right person. That's what I am doing, just waiting for someone that I can talk to.

I just saw the Johnny Walker advertisement on TV and to say the very least it is motivational... Although having a marathon runner promoting alcohol is a bit of a cop out. When things get hard, just keep walking, or if you would rather, Swim (Jack's Mannequin).

Valentine's Day

Valentine's started rather early this year. First there was the MSC selling roses for charity. I was really astonished to see girls and guys from my class buying roses for each other, even if they weren't in a relationship. It taught me something important about the people in my class, for them Valentine's isn't some commercialized holiday. It is a special day for them to show someone that they are loved. Perhaps I took part in this year's Valentine's Day rose buying, perhaps I didn't. You'll have to wait and see.

Yesterday brought another interruption to the usually monotony of life. It was the Valentine's Day night race (10 km race). Feeling rather underdressed (I didn't wear any pink or have any fairy wings), I had a really great race, breaking 40 minutes for the first time. I hope that that is merely a dry run (no pun intended) set up for the actual Valentine's Day on Monday. Hopefully better things are to come.

Aaron Motsoaledi is coming to medical school on monday and I dare say that I am in fact looking forward to it, even if he is just there to launch an HIV awareness campaign. He has really turned around health care in this country and, although that wasn't really hard, I really respect him. I'm looking forward to the expected Valentine's Day joke (surely there has to be one with these politicians).

Finally there is street party. Sport's admin is convinced that people have nothing better to do other than help them sell alcohol. I don't really care that it would make my club money, my problem is that they expect five people to be there from 3pm until 1am. Absolutely ridiculous! What a farce! Oh well...

May everyone find love this Valentine's Day and to the person destined to be my next Valentine (in the non-commercialised version of the word [girlfriend]) I will always say that I wrote this for you. Do not argue that I wrote this year, just accept that I realised that bigger things were still to come :).

The concrete walls hold fragile values,

the library the power to kill,

the cafeteria the delights of many,

the second floor only deadly still.

Yet within the minds of students taught,

there lie the words from textbooks bought,

to uphold the values for which they fought,

and find the peace of mind they sought.

But the halls of tables and the chairs,

hold both hope and despair,

to free the minds of those who dare,

to challenge people, not compare.

Values, minds and free thoughts,

that fight for place in parking lots.

To change the perception of them all.

Just you and me against the world.

The fear and those things that you don't quite enjoy

There's something about medicine, there are times that it is really hard to enjoy. You are taught new things, but it never seems like you are going to remember anything. If anatomy is anything to go by, then I will remember very little. Which leads me to the odd conclusion that perhaps they are teaching us how to learn, and the material is merely a tool in the process. I remember the things that I love, which in third year seem to be few and far between. I suppose that it is all with the ends in mind, completely disregarding my lack of enthusiasm for the means.

There is something that comes attached to medicine. It's a fear in many shapes and forms. Firstly, there is mind-numbing hypochondria. Suddenly things that you completely disregarded (or simply didn't know about) become far more real. But there is another type of fear that I thought about today, it's not the fear of what may happen to me, it's the fear of what might happen to my friends or my family. It's the fear that when an ambulance is opened at a hospital it won't be just another person, it will be someone that I have spoken to, someone that I know. We are taught to distance ourselves from all of that, but I suppose we are never taught how to deal with it when it does occur.

Here's to hoping that that day may never come. Here's to hoping that my nightmares never come to fruition. Here's to hoping that I can sleep tonight.

Interventions

Considering that things are getting a little out of hand, I think that it is time for an intervention.

Now interventions are appropriate in the following situations:

1. When graduates find it necessary to wear their sunglasses on their heads, indoors.
2. When people make a mockery of the english language.
3. When people begin to quote Grey's Anatomy, way too often.
4. When people park in our parking spaces.

Now in order for an appropriate intervention to take place you need the following:

• One large intervention sign
• Equipment appropriate for each situation
• Keen crowd of groupies
• Camera (To record the moment)

This will need to be perfected in light of all the potential interventions in the near future. The intervention to be staged tomorrow will serve as the prototype for all future interventions.

On a slightly unrelated note, I have added a few more medically related fields to my list of morally acceptable career paths. I think that one of the reasons why we are put in positions of "power" is so that you can influence people for the better. I have met so many amazing people that I wouldn't have met had I decided to become an engineer. It's not just meeting people though, it is the opportunity to actually make a mark, impart some knowledge.

I would like to be remembered one day, perhaps for some research, or some other project. But I think that the thing that will have the most bearing on my life will be what my patients and my friends think of me. And that need not necessary be that I am the kindest person alive, I would rather be known as being a good doctor (In the helping others sense of the word). I say this because I am already not on the best terms with some of my friends.

List:

Medicine

Physio

OT

Pharmacy

Microbiologists and Geneticists

Perhaps I should explain my reasoning behind this list. There are certain careers where you in fact aid your fellow man directly and those are the ones listed above. Other careers like engineering and architecture allow you to aid your fellow man indirectly, but you are always distanced from those that need to be helped most. Lawyers often just help the wrong people.

I know that I have mentioned the mockery of the english language in this post. I have not spent the time to check my spelling and grammar, it is late. If you feel really strongly about my poor grammar then please feel free to stage an intervention.

I have become really fond of two web comics: A Softer World and xkcd. One of them provided me with my new favourite quote:

‎"I know that you don't love me, but there must be something I can do to make you a better person."

Sometimes all that you need is a little conversation

It's odd how I sometimes find myself drawn to people. It's really not a sense of attraction, at least as far as I know, but rather a hunger for conversation. Some people just have really interesting points of view. And yet mundane conversation seems to be the rule of the day. Most people are kept occupied with small talk and never tread into the realms of deeper conversation. It's also often hard to start a conversation where you are asking about more than how the person's weekend went.

There are only a few people in my class that I really enjoy talking to. It's the people that I can have an honest conversation with and not be bogged down in small talk. But I do honestly feel lonely sometimes, because I need that kind of conversation every day. I haven't yet found someone who is willing to speak to me on that level and let me share on that same level.

So I suppose at the moment I will have to settle for the small talk and keep an open ear for the conversations that I crave.

Tomorrow we receive our BP cuffs and stethoscopes. I suppose it almost marks a coming of age, though some people did have to wait a lot longer. It does feel like an adventure, with so much to learn, and new people to meet every day.

It's so much like an adventure that it's easy to get lost sometimes.

Baby talk and religion

My cousin has just had a baby so I am constantly exposed to the subsequent baby talk. I have never been a fan of speaking to babies in that way, for me it almost seems unjustifiable. If babies do not understand, then why are you speaking to them like that? Surely they are human beings like the rest of us? It is the same as when children ask the "hard" questions, is it really necessary to dumb down the answers in the effort to get the child to understand or would it be better just to tell the truth and let your child make the conclusions for themselves?

It is extremely interesting to see how children turn out in the end. I have been friends with countless individuals who were just like me 15 years ago but are now, as many would consider "off the rails". In my opinion it often has much to do with the parents and not the children. Perhaps leaving children the opportunity to think is not a bad thing. Children are far smarter than they appear.

Another topic came up yesterday that left me feeling a little bleak about the world. Often individuals are judged on their primary beliefs because that is seen to be an indicaton of the person as a whole. I would rather that people did not assume that I was a bad person because I am not religious. I would rather leave that up to them to determine through getting to actually know me. I am willing to give you a fair chance if you are willing to give me one.

I should say that I distinguish between religion and belief in evolution. I find that they are mutually exclusive. I suppose at least that is how I justify it :), otherwise I would seem like a bit of a hypocrite.

Orienteering starts tomorrow, I am really looking forward to it!

Running again and the ethics of clinical trials

It was great to be running again after being sick for a week. Didn't seem to set me back too far and I will hopefully be back in form by monday for the first School's League orienteering race of the season. I decided to do them just for fun and for the experience.

Watching Grey's Anatomy brought to light an interesting ethical topic. Is it ethical to give someone a placebo in a clinical trial?

"The placebo has to be the doctor's greatest deception. Half of our patients we tell the truth, the other half we pray the placebo effect's real. And we tell ourselves that they will feel better anyhow, believing help's on the way, when in fact, we're leaving them to die."

Grand Design

I always find it interesting when the age-old creationism versus evolution comes up. We are taught in class every day the basic principles of evolution, we apply it when trying to solve problems and yet people still are not able to accept it.

We were required to do a study for our biostatistics class, so my friend and I decided to try to compare an individuals "perceived" education and their belief. The hypothesis was that, since the graduates had been exposed to the idea of evolution for a longer period of time they might be more likely to believe in evolution. This didn't prove to be true, in fact it was equally split 50-50. It was interesting, however, that there were more people in my limited sample group that believed in evolution. Progress, at least as far as I am concerned, considering that in first year 80% of the class believed in creationism.

I am sick of the people that cringe at the word. It's a part of life, deal with it.

Graduates and the clinic that we love so much

My medical school takes great pride in admitting graduate entrants into the medical program. (It is the only medical school in the country that does) It is true that it  adds a sense of excitement and flavour to the mix with all of the new points of view, but hell, some of them are just weird. It is fun to playfully mock them though. Today we had the ever popular "Wife beater wednesday". It might be a hit at main campus, but not so much here.

Then there are the graduate trends:

1. Wearing sunglasses on top of your head, indoors.
2. Blocking staircases ["How many people with a degree does it take to block a staircase?"]
3. Pointing out mistakes that are obvious (like mistakes with dates) to the lecturer (though this is only one person in particular)

This week has been really hard on me, especially when I finally realised that the clinic is not all that it is made out to be. Every week the students run a clinic for anyone that wants to come (though it is mainly for the homeless that have a soup kitchen there). On monday evening I did intake and met a well-dressed individual. Although it is part of the social history that I am meant to take, I made a point to ask where the person was working. He said that he was actually studying a masters and working part time at the university. Once I had completed the intake we were taught clinical skills and I proceeded to run into him downstairs. We practiced clinical skills on the patients waiting, in the hope that it would perhaps speed up the line. When we were finished, the man asked why lymph nodes became swollen. A fifth year student proceeded to explain that it was the body fighting against "goggas" in the body.

This really made me angry because I felt that it was extremely condescending toward the patient in question. He was educated, and yet he was still being treated like a child. I concede that many patients do not know much about medicine, but, in my eyes, there are different levels of medical knowledge. There are levels which I don't even understand. Many medical students seem to think that there are just two, that level that medical students learn, and the dumbed down, public level. I honestly don't care if some of the patients there are homeless, many of them are immigrants that have degrees, in engineering and the like, that have not been able to find jobs here. In my opinion, if you can teach someone the mechanism of how something works, they are more likely to understand it in the future. We are not trying to create a stupid society that doesn't know what is going on, we are trying to educate society as a whole. I have even explained to someone how the reading of blood pressure works.

It is perhaps because I did intake on this person that I took the initiative to explain to him exactly how lymphadenopathy occurs. I might not have found out more about him if I had not done intake. It just distresses me that it is not the first time that this has happened, other patients are also sometimes left out of the loop. Perhaps many of the other medical students there have been around a lot of patients and have distanced themselves from all of them. Perhaps that is something that I still have to learn.

But for now I will take pleasure in giving them knowledge that they can take away with them. It's not much, but it's something.